From Iris's Birth Mother Keri to You
Dear Searchers,
The beginning of a journey- I know what you are going through I want to let you know now I have been there. It took me months to figure out what would be the perfect decision for my child. After looking at the profiles and praying to find the right answer I knew I found the right decision. The first time I found Shaun and Lanette I had a feeling it was them but to make sure I asked them questions that I wanted to make sure that what I wanted in a family for her. With the first questions I sent them they replied as fast as they could and I was grateful. I was reading their replies carefully and I knew it was them. But, just to be safe I sent them more questions with a reply with questions back from them to get to know the birth father and I. With each email that we got back gave us more reinsurance that it was meant to be. We told the caseworker we were working with, that the couple we have chosen was Shaun and Lanette and we wanted to meet them in person. So as weeks past we set up a date to meet them on February 14th Valentine’s Day to tell them we have already chosen them to be the parents of our baby girl. But they didn’t know we were going to tell them they thought we just wanted to meet to get more questions out of them. The day of Valentine’s Day the birth father and I showed up an hour earlier to get everything ready, prepared, and figure out what we were going to talk about before we told them we have chosen them. After the hour came, Shaun and Lanette showed up and I finally got nervous a good/ happy nervous and anxious to finally meet them. The birth father and I introduced ourselves and sat down and the questions were hard to start but once we started talking it was to stop the conversation until my caseworker sneakily asked us if we were ready to tell them the reason they were there. I got up and grabbed a present full of things that the birth father and I liked and the calmly told them “we have already made our decision; you are going to be the parents of our baby girl.” After that I felt even more love pouring from them and I knew from that point on that it was the right choice. We even talked more after that, but from that day on I knew that the loved us and the baby girl they were soon going to have. As the weeks went on Shaun and Lanette invited the birth father and I down to their place to have sundaes and to get to know where the baby would be living. It was wonderful knowing that they were so open with us to invite us to their home, emailing us, and made us feel like family. I even invited them to my home were I have lived my whole life to let them know my background and what I grew up with. Even before I had her they were and are my family, I have never once felt awkward around them since we told them they were going to be the parents. We continued to have visits with each other until she was born. The day my water broke- I was home alone sitting at the computer just playing games and then suddenly I felt like I was on my menstrual cycle again and I knew that wasn’t right so I when to the bathroom and saw that the moister coming from me was clear and I knew it was my water. To check I called my aunt who is a labor and delivery nurse and told me what happened and she told me that I was correct and I needed to get the hospital and I told her that I was home alone with no car and she said that she would come and get me but she lives and hour away. So I told her not to worry about it because I could call my brothers, she told me that she would come anyway. But before I called my brothers I called Shaun to tell him that the baby was coming but he was in a concert singing but I called multiple times as soon as he got the message he left the concert and got Lanette and grabbed what they needed. But I got hold of my brothers and they all came home about the same time but my parents were still away and they didn’t have a cellphone to get hold of them on. When my older brother and I were on the way out of the door to go to the hospital my parents showed up and wonder what was going on. With a quick rundown of what just happened my parents quickly told me to grab what they thought I needed and then out the door we went to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital around 9:30 ish at night probably closer to 10 but we got there and signed papers saying that I was being emitted into the hospital to deliver the baby. I made sure that I went to the bathroom before they did anything to me; after I was done I changed into the hospital gown and laid there in the bed until my aunt, Shaun and Lanette showed up. The birth father was out of state for his brother to graduate from the marines so he wasn’t there and I had no way of getting hold of him. As I was lying in the bed I wanted to see how long I could last before I needed the epidural but they told me that I would have to have to put Pitocin in me to make my contractions harder. After I knew that I wanted the epidural before the Pitocin. Just to let you know the epidural is not that bad I am even afraid of needles and I didn’t really feel a thing. But anyway when I had the epidural in I searched for the birth fathers hotel to tell him that my water broke and I was going into labor. I found the hotel but I couldn’t find the phone number so Shaun finished it for me and got him on the phone for me so I could talk to him. With a long discussion the birth father got on an airplane to get to the hospital to be there for me even if he wasn’t going to be there when the baby was born. Knowing that he was on his way I could start relaxing before I had to start pushing the baby out. The nurse continued to check the monitors every 15 to 30 minutes. As it got closer the nurse kept on checking how much I was dilated but she couldn’t feel how much I was dilated to so she came back later and told me that I was already dilated. But, I had to wait because the doctor was in an emergency C-section so I couldn’t start pushing yet. So I waited until the doctor was finished but the nurse thought I couldn’t wait any longer so she told me that I had to start pushing. When they try to put the stirrups up to put my feet in the right stirrup was broken so Lanette was holding up my leg for a while until my leg got heavy because of my dead weight so my mom took over. After 10 to 15 minutes of pushing the nurse told me that the baby was about to crown where you can see the top of the head and that I needed to stop pushing because she didn’t want to catch the baby. I will tell you right now once you start pushing there is no way of stopping. Luckily, the doctor came in I can’t really remember what she said but she was glad that I started pushing already. As my doctor came in she told me what to do with sets of breathing and pushing, it was 10 seconds of pushing and three to four deep breaths. Than 22 to 25 minutes of pushing and 11 hours of labor, the little baby girl we will always love finally came into the world. As the nurse was cleaning her up the nurse told me that she was breathing rather quickly and that they should g take x-rays on her chest but the nurse let me hold her for a while before they took her away I held her for a minute then I passed her to Lanette to give her to the nurse to check out her chest. They were cleaning me up and moving out of the delivery room to the resting room while I waited to get the result of her chest. I honestly don’t remember how long it took but it seemed like hours to wait for the results but the doctor came in and hoped we hoped for good news. But it wasn’t she had a diaphragmic hernia, which is a whole in the diaphragm and most of her lower organs, came up into her chest cavity around lung. So they told me to help her they had to send her to Primary Children’s Hospital to get more of a diagnosis on her condition on what they can do to treat the condition. But I had to stay at the hospital I had her while she had to take an ambulance up to Primary Children’s Hospital. When I got to see her again after I held her she was in an incubator on oxygen and was sedated. So Shaun and Lanette followed the ambulance up to Primary Children’s Hospital so she wouldn’t be alone. Throughout the whole day I got calls from Primary Children’s Hospital while I was resting at the hospital I had her in and I couldn’t leave until 24 hours after I had her. Later on that day the birth father showed up and I was excited to see him but I was also sad that he could not see the daughter he help create. It was a long 24 hours until I got to see her again but luckily I got out a little earlier than 24 hours and a different doctor released me and told me that I have to watch how my body feels and if I feel if there is something wrong I need to come back. When I was released my mother drove the birth father and I up to the hospital. But when we got there she was about to go into surgery to close her diaphragm but they let us see her (the birth fathers family and mine) before she goes into surgery. It was so hard seeing her on IV’s, oxygen and sudation, and not being able to be held by anyone but only being touched small parts of her face, arms, back of her hand, and her legs. It was hard to control the earge of wanting to hold her to make her pain go away. But after we got to see her we waited in the waiting room until the doctor finished her surgery which lasted three of more hours I can’t remember because it seemed like forever of course. Then he came up to us and said she is going to be fine and she was the healthiest baby that they have seen with the same condition. He also said that if she didn’t come early then it would have been a more difficult surgery. After that the next day on the 10th the birth father and I were going to sign our papers to place Iris (baby girl) to Shaun and Lanette and told them we were planning on later on that day. But as time continued I felt like I haven’t had enough time with Iris, that I didn’t have that closer yet so I started to feel like I wasn’t ready to quiet sign the papers but I knew I would sign when I felt that closer. So the birth father and I talked about it and decided to wait before we signed her over yet. Then we told Shaun and Lanette that we were not ready to sign her over yet….after I told them that their face literally broke me in half I felt guilty that I hurt them and I felt like my feelings of wanting that closer didn’t matter anymore because I knew that it was harder for them and I knew Iris will always be in good hands but it was still hard because I was torn in wanting more time with Iris as mine, but I knew they wanted Iris as theirs to. Just thinking about it now still is hard because I can still picture their face and I wanted them to be happy to after all the love and support they have shown the birth father and I. So the birth father and I decided to sign the papers anyway to surprise them of them being official parents. After we signed the papers it was really hard but I knew it was the right thing to do but the birth father was having difficulties with the decision but we both knew in the end it worked out. But after we signed we found Shaun and Lanette in the waiting room, probably to recovering of the thoughts of the birth father and I changing our minds of probably keeping Iris (which I knew wasn’t going to happen because even though I love Iris I couldn’t give her what they could provide for her) and that we surprised them of telling them they are now parents of a strong and beautiful little girl. After that, things got really difficult for me at the hospital they would let me see Iris because I was now technically not family. After Shaun and Lanette found out what happened they tried to help me and my family to be able to see her. Even though I was emotionally dramatic everything worked out in the end, they helped us to be able to see her when we wanted for at least an hour (hospital rule). Even though they probably don’t know this but I am very grateful to them I didn’t realize it in the hospital but I know that they wanted what was best for us and Iris. Also they loved and still love Iris even before they knew they were going to be parents. But they were willing stay and have Shaun drive to work and back to the hospital everyday just to be with her, and that was at least an hour drive or more to provide for his family. Iris was at least in the hospital for three weeks after she was born and now could be anymore lively. From the very first reply they sent me I knew it was full of love for the birth father and I and the unborn child I was carefully searching for a caring home for. I will tell you this now if you have any questions whether you think they are silly or not they will reply with the best answer they can give you. They will also let you know how much they care for you and the child you are caring for even if you choose them or not. I will let you know now that once you contact them they will still want the best for you and for you to choose what you feel is best. They won’t try and persuade you into choosing them they will be straight forward and tell you what is on their mind if you ask them. I also don’t want to persuade you either I wanted you to know my story and give you at least a glimpses of what has happened if I could put down every detail I would but it would be really long to read. If you had made it this far that means that you wanted to know someone else’s point of view of what happened to them and I am glad that you read it. But Shaun and Lanette are family to me I know that sounds weird but at the same time it is not. They will make sure that you are comfortable with them they want you to get to know them the same way they want to get to know you. I really don’t know what else to say the only thing that I can think of is that I could not have chosen a better family for little Iris and to be friends with. With Love and Care, Keri 
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Iris's Adoption Story by Mom and Dad
Iris's coming to earth was full of miracles. The way her birth parents found us was, in our opinions, miraculous. The way she came into the world was also miraculous.
In early 2011, our caseworker texted us to tell us that a caseworker in Utah wanted to know how open we wanted to be in adoption. Apparently it wasn't showing up on our profile. Which is weird, by the way, because we filled it out. However, the questionnaire on the adoption site was not very specific, so it was rather convenient, because we got to be more specific in our reply to our caseworker about the openness we hoped to have. A few weeks later we had our 6 months since be approved meeting, and asked if anything had happened with the Utah caseworker who asked about our openness. We figured nothing would come of it, but were hopeful that maybe, fate was swinging in our favor. And then we began hearing positive, exciting things. So fast forward a few weeks. Really early on a Sunday morning. It was basically Saturday night, and Shaun and I were snuggled on the couch watching a chick flick, and as the movie wrapped up, Shaun decided to check his email, because he'd been checking like crazy all weekend in hopes of an email from the expecting couple. And to both of our shock, there was indeed an email in both of our inboxes, and this is it: [Note: we refer to Iris's birth parents by their first initials online to protect their privacy] Hi I am K, my boyfriend and I are considering you as the adoptive parents of our baby girl but we would like to ask you a couple of questions before we make are final decision. Sorry we don’t mean to get your hopes up but we just want to make sure before our final placement. If that is ok with you if we ask you some question that you have probably already heard please email me back and have the subject as its about love. That would be greatly appreciated. We hope to hear back from you. Of course we replied. Immediately. They sent us a long list of questions shortly after, and we spent all day Monday, whenever we had time, replying to the questions, and stayed up late formatting them into one document for easier reading. And we emailed it back. And they replied to us, and we asked them some questions, and we kept emailing bit by bit, and then one evening later that week Shaun noticed that our profile was no longer online on itsaboutlove.org. He asked our caseworker about it and we found out that K and A (her boyfriend) wanted to meet with us, and were hoping for Valentine's Day, and that we were on "soft hold." We filled up the closet in our baby room with the girl clothes we already happened to have, just because....well, because we were really hopeful. We also bought baby hangers, baby girl onesies, and random baby stuff (like diaper wipes, baby powder and lotion, etc) Shaun was feeling really especially strongly that this was it, and asked our caseworker if it was possible that they had already chosen us and just wanted to meet. She said that doesn't happen. Alas! We were antsy for the week that we waited to meet them. We told some of our closest friends and family about the coming meeting, and so many dear loved ones told us they were praying for us, and fasting for us, and thinking of us. We spent a few hours on Saturday night shopping for a suitable gift for K and A that wouldn't come off as pressuring them but would be meaningful. We agonized over what would be best for *ages* and I think I was a little too worried about crinkling the tissue paper too much etc. We spent a good chunk of time writing cards to them too, again trying to avoid pressuring them. So Valentine's Day came, and we were very very VERY anxious as we drove up to meet with K and A, the expecting parents who we were told were considering us to adopt their baby girl, due in April. We were too nervous to even sit down in the waiting room. We were just super antsy. And then, finally, our caseworker led us down a long hall, that seemed to go on forever, and we got to the room where they were waiting for us. My heart was thumping like crazy, but we were greeted by friendly, smiling faces. So we introduced ourselves and hugged, and K told me I smelled good, which made me feel a bit more calm, because hey, that's a good sign, right? Maybe? We gave them the gift bag and cards and stood awkwardly for a moment. And then the caseworkers directed Shaun and I to seats and suggested we sit down. So we all sat down, Shaun and I on a love seat and everyone else in cute little armchairs in a square. A grad student interning at LDS Family Services came in to observe, and the caseworkers Emily and Kim sat across from each other while we were across from K and A. K's mom made rice krispy treats for us, shaped like hearts, and they were super yummy, but my tummy was in knots so I wasn't able to eat much. We talked for almost 2 hours. They asked us questions. We asked them questions. We were braced for tough questions, maybe about difficult parenting scenarios or something, but those questions didn't come. Instead, they were more questions like "What kind of food do you like to make?" and "What kind of movies do you like?" and I kept bracing for a whammy, super-tough question, but time went on, and I got a lot more comfortable, and it felt like we were visiting with old friends, and I hardly noticed the observing grad student or caseworkers. Then, K began saying something to A about getting something for us, and so he got up and went back to a desk in the back of the room. Out from under it he brought a huge black box.And Kim began to cry, and Shaun squeezed my hand tight and we started to tear up too, as we realized what was happening. The best word for how I felt at that moment? I don't know. Maybe a combination of shock, astonishment, inexplainable joy, and confusion as I tried to think of other explanations so as to keep from raising my hopes? But then K said that they had actually already picked us to be the parents of their baby girl, and I felt all warm and happy and just plain shocked, and they handed us the big, beautiful box. We tried to articulate our feelings, and we tried to say thank you, but words just didn't do justice in that moment. It was just incredible. We opened the box and found sweet little gifts for Iris and for us. After getting the best, most incredible and selfless gift ever from them, our gift seemed pretty lame. The two of them are wonderful, selfless and giving people, and we love them. K and A asked us to join them and their parents at the Olive Garden that night for dinner, and we very enthusiastically accepted. We stopped by Ikea in-between and picked up some precious pink stuff for the nursery. And after shopping we met back up at Olive Garden at 5:30. It was packed, as everyone was celebrating the day of love, but personally, we think we had the very best reason ever to be celebrating. And so we enjoyed a delicious meal and visited with A's mom and K's mom and dad, and they were all so kind and hospitable. K's parents were really generous and paid for the delicious dinner, and we all hugged a bunch and it was perfect. As we were leaving, Shaun said it was the most perfect, incredible experience he could've ever imagined, and I have to agree. And that is the story of our 2011 Valentine's Day, and how we first found out about our little daughter joining our family! Iris's entrance into the world was also miraculous. K was home alone when her water broke. Shaun was performing at a choir concert, and I was just getting ready to take a bath after a long day. Shaun ran into the house as I was about to start the tub and he looked shell shocked. He told me that K had called a bunch and he'd called her back to find out the news. We had been expecting Iris to be born a few weeks later. We ran around frantically trying to think what we'd need, and ran next-door to our neighbors and they helped us install the car seat (they have the same one) and pack. And then we jumped in the car and rushed to the hospital, about 40 minutes away. It was SNOWING, so it took longer to drive, and we were both freaking out. We got to the hospital and met up with K and her parents and brothers, and aunt, and visited for a few hours, and Shaun and K's dad gave K a blessing. A wasn't able to be there---he was out of state, and hurried back as quickly as he could. We had a restless, sleepless night waiting for the pushing to start in a different room, and when it did start, I got to help a bit by holding one of K's legs (the stirrups were broken) while her mom held the other. Seeing the miracle of birth and watching little Iris come into the world was indescribably incredible. We are SO THANKFUL that K and A wanted us to be there to see our girl come into the world. It was really just incredible. K was a champ through it all, making jokes throughout labor and pushing. She is so tough, like little Iris! They cleaned Iris up and did the measurements, and the nurse wrapped her up for K to hold. Iris's breathing concerned the nurse, and so she hurried her over to the well nursery to check on some things. We are so grateful for her following her intuition. She looked at some things and took Iris to the NICU. Then a doctor came to tell us that Iris had a serious birth defect--a diaphragmatic hernia. She was hooked up to tons of machines, and it was heart-wrenching to see her in an incubator, shaking hard from the oxgen and everything. Shaun and K's dad gave Iris a blessing, and I didn't understand a word of it, partially because of the loud machines, and partially because we were all bawling our eyes out. Little Iris was rushed up to Primary Children's Hospital during a big snow storm, and we followed. I felt like I was a thousand years old the whole drive up, and my heart ached so much. Iris was admitted to Primary Children's Hospital and immediately had oodles more tubes connected to her, and got hooked up to more big, loud machines. We stayed with her as much as possible. Leaving her side made me feel like I was losing a piece of me, even if it sounds cliche. But on Saturday the doctors did surgery, moving Iris's small intestines, spleen, and other bits of her back where they belong, and stitched up the hole that everything went through. The surgery was very successful, and we were blessed to be able to stay at the hospital that night so we could make sure she was still okay. On Sunday K and A surprised us and signed the adoption papers, and we in turn did too, so everything is now official! It felt like a huge weight of worry was lifted off of our shoulders. We are SO THANKFUL for K and A and that they signed the papers so Iris and us could officially be legally tied together. It was a terrifying, scary experience, but we know angels were with little Iris, and with us and Iris's birth family, through it all. The fact that Iris came 3 weeks earlier was a huge blessing--her healing process was sped up because of it, and the hernia would've grown over time. We also felt the great miracle of having Primary Children's Hospital so close--there are apparently only three hospitals in the United States that perform the surgery for diaphragmatic hernias, and Primary Children's is one of them. What a blessing! After six blissful months since K and A signed papers, we were able to go to court to finalize Iris's adoption. It was a really cool experience! K and A both wanted to come, along with their moms, which was fun. Just two days later we went to the Provo Temple and were sealed as an eternal family. Iris was absolutely radiant in the temple, and loved being in the spotlight all weekend long. K's parents both came to the sealing. K and her mother also came to Iris's blessing at church that same weekend. We feel so fortunate to have so much love from K and A and their families. They are wonderful people and we love them! Iris will always know how she came to be in our forever family. She will always know of K and A's loving, selfless sacrifice for her, and we are thankful that she'll know them too. They and their families will always be heroes in our home. We are thankful to be Mom and Dad to such an amazing, sweet girl. Adoption really is about love, and is a miracle in our home that has blessed us forever. We are excited to begin the journey again to find another sweet baby meant to join our family through the miracle of adoption. 
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Iris with her awesome birth family and with her forever family in her first 6 months
